ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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