If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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