omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
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