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You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Let's paint friendship bongs
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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