its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
