we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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