nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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