At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
