if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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