i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
