Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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