Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
