Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
