Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
