I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
