Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
