So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
