every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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