i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
