I wish I could punch you in the face.
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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