remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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