Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
