whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
