Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize