Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
