Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
My balls are so social today.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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