smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
