Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
