There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
