That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
