Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
the raccoons are back...
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