i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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