I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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