i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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