Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
