i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
No subtext here. People are naked.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
