I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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