Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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