So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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