Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
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At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
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Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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