i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
