Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
