ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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