Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Randomize
