So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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