I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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