My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
