I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
