I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
