My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
