I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
