I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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