I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
did i just pee glitter
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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