TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
