I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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