omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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