I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
