I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
