Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
