Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
