I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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