i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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