well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
