Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
