he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
