Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
