did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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