I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Come on in and take your pants off
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