i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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